Crap! Milliana has a better love life than us!
by KirigiriJxngJing
Summary: When Milliana asks for dating advice, Erza and Sherry come to a shocking conclusion - they don't know how to date! Join them as they spy on Milliana, yell at each other, break arms and much more, all to uncover the secrets of pulling off the perfect date. Not really a pairings story, mainly friendship, but there is a bit of Milliana x Toby.
1. Crap! We've never been on a date!

**A/N: Just a little fic about one of my fave characters, Milliana, with a bit of humour and friendship thrown into the mix.**

**This is completely AU, so don't sue me.**

* * *

Milliana was nervously walking towards Lucy Heartfilia's apartment, wanting Erza for a very important matter.

Something really interesting had happened to her that very day.

Toby had asked her out on a date. TOBY, out of all people!

And she had to say yes, because the truth was... she may or may not have a crush on him.

But anyway, Milliana had never been on a date before and she really needed advice. And who better to get it from than Erza Scarlet herself.

She must've been on plenty of dates, right?

She dawdled up to Lucy's apartment door and nervously knocked. She expected to be greeted by Erza, but instead, she was greeted by Sherry Blendy, a good friend of Toby's.

"Milly dear! Hi! Come on in!" She greeted and dragged Milliana in.

When she walked in, she was surrounded by nothing but anything pink. And a smell of roses was in the air.

"Do you like what I did with Lucy's place?" Sherry asked with excitement. "I purified it with the power of love!"

"It's great!" Milliana replied. "So much pink! It's amazing. By the way, do you know where Er-san is? I need to talk to her about someth-"

"What do you need Erza for?" Natsu Dragneel had appeared right beside Milliana, scaring her so much, she leapt into Sherry's arms.

"NATSU!" Luckily, Erza had appeared right behind Natsu, slapping him across his head. "I will not let you scare Milliana like that!"

"I'm sure she's fine Erza." Sherry reassured, comforting the petrified Milliana.

"You will apologize to Milliana right this instant!" Erza had straight out ignored Sherry, making the pinkette scowl.

"YES MA'AM!" Natsu straightened himself up and shot over to Milliana and Sherry.

"SORRY FOR SCARING YOU MILLIANA!" He gave her a gentle pet on the head and shot over back to Erza.

"Good, now get out!" Erza pushed Natsu out the door, making him faceplant onto the flat dirt surface. While, this had happened, Milliana shot out of Sherry's arms and stood beside her.

"You said you needed to talk to Erza about something, correct?" Sherry remembered.

"Oh y-yes! But I can talk to you too Sherry!"

"Oh wonderful, you trust me!"

* * *

Sherry had quickly made a cup of tea for herself, and sat next to Erza on the couch.

"So what is your problem Milliana?" Erza asked, both her and Sherry staring at the cat girl curiously.

"Well... I've got a problem."

"If it's a person... leave them to me." Erza had a dark aura around her now.

"And me too of course!" Sherry added.

"No, it's not a person problem. Well you see... TOBY ASKED ME OUT ON A DATE!"

Sherry gasped with excitement.

"Well done Milly! You're going on a date!" She put an arm around her, smiling. "My first date was... wonderful indeed!"

"Well, I'm sure you'd have expected me to go on plenty of dates before-"

"Actually, I wouldn't expect that at all." Erza perked up.

"What a great way to be a good friend Erza!" Sherry said sarcastically.

"Well anyway, I-I've never been on a date before!" Milliana finished. "So I was hoping... you could maybe give me some advice..? That wouldn't be hard, would it?"

"Um, me and Sherry will be right back." Erza reassured.

"Who said me-" But it was too late. Erza had already dragged Sherry off to the bathroom.

Erza shut the door, locking it and Sherry started jumping up and down with joy.

"Milliana and Toby are so perfect together! I'm so happy!" She chirped, currently on cloud 9.

"But we have a problem." Erza cut in.

"Come on Erza! Milliana and Toby aren't a problem! They're a blessing from Cupid himself!"

"Not them. Something else... May I confess something to you?"

"Of course dear! My lips are sealed!" Sherry vowed, a cheesy grin on her face, still on cloud 9 from hearing about Milliana and Toby.

"Sherry... you'll have to handle this because I've never been on a date before! I can't give Milliana the advice she needs to succeed!"

"You too?!"

"WHAT?!"

Sherry sighed and a melancholy aura surrounded her as a violin started to be played.

"It may seem like I've been on THOUSANDS of dates, considering how good looking I am, but the truth is... I haven't been on a single date. No boy, not even Master Lyon has fallen for my charms and it breaks my heart."

"You actually don't have-" The violin stopped as Erza said this.

"SHUT UP!"

"This isn't a good thing at all. None of us have had experience so we cannot give Milliana the advice she needs to succeed." Erza pointed out.

"But me being the adorable early 20s girl I-"

"Stop talking for a minute Sherry." Erza commanded.

"Why? I was just-"

"Do as I say!" She sighed and gave up.

"We're both in our early 20s..." Sherry's eyes widened as Erza said this.

"And not a single guy has asked us out on a date." She finished.

"CRAP! WE'RE IN OUR EARLY 20s AND MILLIANA HAS A BETTER LOVE LIFE THAN US!"

The two slumped down on the floor as they said this.

"What will we do?" The two whined.

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**A/N: I love writing Sherry. She's just so... funny to write.**

**But anyway, next chapter should be out soon. And tell me what you think of this through a review.**


	2. Why Must You Always Slam My Mouth?

**A/N: Hello readers! After some thought, I did decide to continue this after someone (she not on here she on amino and she's great) told me that they loved it. So shout out to Lucy for giving me inspo!**

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Millianna could hear all the noise coming from inside the bathroom. "I wonder what they're talking about... cat food perhaps?" She tilted her head to the side.

**_Meanwhile in the bathroom..._**

"What will we do?" Sherry and Erza slumped down on the floor, groaning.

"More importantly, what will we tell Millianna?" Sherry worried. "I don't want her to find out that me, Sherry Blendy, has never been on a date before!" A melancholy aura surrounded her and the violin started playing again. "If she does, Master Lyon will find out and I'll never have a chance with him..."

"What about me with Jell-" Erza covered her mouth.

"Al?" Sherry finished. "Oh please Erza, everyone knows you have a crush on Jellal. I wouldn't be surprised if he-"

"SHUT UP SHERRY!" Erza towered over Sherry and she cowered in fear.

"Yes Erza!" She did a military salute.

"Right." Erza replied. "Now with that out of the way, we can prevail! When the world gives us seemingly unsolvable problems, we gotta solve them! We're confident young women and one day, we will have dates! Just watch us you cursed world!"

"Yeah! Watch out boys, prepared to be dated by the marvelous Sherry Blend-"

"Stop being so vain..." Erza whacked Sherry's mouth and she fell down on the floor. "Now let's face Millianna!"

"How can I with a broken jaw?" Sherry groaned. But Erza didn't listen and went to face Millianna without her. "Wait for me!"

The two girls went out to face Millianna.

"I need to stuff my bra to look like you guys, don't I?" Millianna held her head in her hand.

"WHAT?!" Erza yelled. She pulled Sherry close to her. "_Sherry, when this is over, we need serious talks with her!_"

"_Agreed!_" The two girls stood up straight.

Afterwards, the two girls did indeed tell Millianna that she didn't need to stuff her bra. The two girls worked together to find cute clothes for her to wear, style her hair, find her nice jewellery, and put on a small but effective amount of make-up. When they were done, she was the picture of a beautiful cat lady!

"Do I look okay?" Millianna looked down at herself. "I think I look really pretty but... will Toby like it?"

"Toby likes anything dear! He's like that!" Sherry put a reassuring arm around her.

"How should I even act around him anyway?"

"Um... just be your natural, lovable, cat loving self!" Sherry replied. "He'll love it I bet! It was suggested by me, Sherry-" Erza slammed Sherry's mouth again.

"Stop being so vain." She groaned.

"Um... thanks for the advice Sherry! And thanks for doing me up nice guys! I gotta go now!" Millianna quickly left, not wanting to be late for her date. Erza glared down at Sherry as soon as she was gone.

"Just be yourself?" She said quietly. "JUST BE YOURSELF?! Sorry Sherry, but when has that _ever_ worked when it comes to men?!"

"It doesn't." Sherry whimpered.

"Right!"

"It-It was terrible advice I know! But it just came out I couldn't stop it!"

"Hmm..."

"What is it Erza?" Sherry shot up beside her.

"Millianna clearly has something we don't or possesses a talent we haven't been able to acquire." She explained.

"Toby's had a crush on Millianna for a long time. He's told me multiple times."

"BUT I'M ASKING WHY SHERRY!"

"Yes Erza." She did another military salute.

"You are not particularly helpful."

"Of course I-" She slammed her mouth again. "Why must you always slam my mouth..?"

"You're being too vain."

"How did you even know?"

Erza was lost in thought. "We have no choice Sherry. We must tail them."

"But tailing's wrong Erz-" Sherry had no say and was instead dragged by her hair. "ERZA!!!!!!"

* * *

**A/N: Next time we will hopefully have two new guys coming to join us hopefully!**** And sorry if this was short, but at least I packed a bunch of comedy into it.**

**Stay tuned for the next chapter!**


	3. So Many Cat Plushies!

**A/N: I got a review saying Sherry was already married, so I'm gonna address that! This is completely AU, so Sherry's not married in this one and instead, she's head over heels for Lyon. Now with that out of the way, let's get on with the story!**

**All of Erza and Sherry's comments are in brackets.**

* * *

At first, Sherry was completely against tailing Toby and Millianna, and now that she put a little thought into it, she loved the idea.

"I can't wait to see how Toby acts around Millianna!" She chirped, making a cute anime face. "He'll probably do many romantic things for-"

"Heh." And then, Sherry's fantasies came crashing down. "A minute ago, you were completely against this Sherry."

"I WAS NOT AGAINST THIS ERZA!"

"QUIET YOURSELF! We are here." Sherry and Erza had actually been walking behind Millianna the entire time, and they could notice the cat lady's muscles slightly tensing. Erza pushed Sherry into an alley before they could be caught.

"You must be more careful Sherry! Millianna almost saw us!" Erza scolded.

"But I-" The redhead glared at the pinkette. She sighed and gave up.

"Now watch."

Toby was wearing some nice snuggly winter clothes, as it was really cold. As soon as he caught sight of Millianna, he went over to her and gave her his scarf.

("Aww, how romantic." Sherry commented. "I was so worried about Millianna that I didn't realize this was Toby's first date too. I could only imagine how he's feeling inside. He's liked Milly for over a year after all.")

"H-Hi M-Millianna." Toby stammered.

"Cold much?" The cat lady replied.

"How did you know?"

("Toby was always the dumb one among your group." Erza commented.

"Umm... Toby's not the sharpest tool in the shed but... he's not completely dumb." Sherry replied.)

"So... I found this s-super cool place. You wanna go there?" He asked. "T-There's plenty of c-cat plushies. Or if you-"

"Toby." Millianna cut in.

"Or if you don't want to go there, we could go s-somewhere with plenty of-"

"Toby!" She barked.

"Oh... I messed up."

"No." She replied. "Toby, I-I like you. I'm here because I want to be here. So we can go wherever you suggest, as long as there's plenty of cats!"

"T-That's great to hear! I like you too! And I have for a-awhile."

"Oh, you're so cold! Have your scarf back!" Millianna wrapped the scarf around Toby. "I don't want you to get frostbite after all! Then you can't take me places!"

"Right!" Toby now found a confidence inside that he had yet to discover before. And from that moment on, there was no more of his constant stammering and Millianna's constant blushing. They were just two friends on a date.

The two did go to that place Toby talked about, Erza and Sherry following and it was filled to the brim with cat plushies.

"I'M IN HEAVEN!" Millianna squealed and cuddled each and every one of them. She even made Toby cuddle some too, and eventually, the two cuddled each other. While cuddling cat plushies of course.

("Aww... I knew they were perfect for each other." Sherry made a cute anime face.

"They are rather sweet, I will say." Erza added.

"That will be you and Jellal someday I can-"

"DO NOT TALK ABOUT JELLAL!" Erza demanded.

"Yes Erza!")

The two also played a few games as well. They played handball and table tennis (embarrassingly, Millianna beat Toby by 40 points.) and other games amongst those. Then, they went to a claw machine, where Toby had no idea what he was doing. But he was determined to get Millianna something.

"You have no idea what you're doing, do you?" She raised an eyebrow.

("I see, Millianna has become quite skilled at seeing through an enemy's facade." Erza commented.

"But Toby's not her enemy Erza. They're just two human beings in love!" Sherry exaggerated love.)

"How'd you know?" Toby slumped his shoulders.

"Cat senses." She replied.

"Are you part cat?"

"Nope, I just hang around a lot of cats!"

"Well, I gotta win you something! It's what a gentleman would do!"

("Sherry! It seems that your partner must retrieve the item of your desire at all costs! Be sure to remember that!" Erza ordered.)

After what seemed like 100 tries, Toby finally got a green cat plushie. He then got down on one knee and handed it out. "Will you accept this cat, fair maiden?"

"Of course Toby! Thou shall accept it with open arms!" Millianna took it and hugged it tightly. "Oh Toby..."

("Sherry! It seems that you and your partner must talk in a Shakespearean manner! Be sure to remember that!" Erza ordered.

"I could tell you this..." Sherry muttered, sweat dropping. "But you must find out the hard way.")

"So, you wanna go somewhere to eat? I know a really good place and they serve cat shaped cake." Toby suggested.

("Sherry! It seems that after the said item is retrieved, we must dine in celebration! Be sure to remember that!" Erza ordered.

"Yes oh mighty Titania." Sherry groaned.)

Toby and Millianna started walking to the place, Toby holding Millianna's hand as soft as he could. He didn't want to hurt her after all.

"We're here!" They soon entered, and when they did, Sherry and Erza went to the window, but sadly, they couldn't hear anything.

"Damn it!" Erza slammed her fist against the concrete. "We were so close to unravelling the secrets of the date!"

"Which I just happen to know all about..." Sherry muttered. "I, Sherry Blendy know all the secrets of dati-" Then, her mouth was slammed to her surprise.

"Stop being so vain." Erza replied.

"How could you-"

"What are you guys doing? And why is Sherry on the ground?" A very familiar voice said. Both girls stared that way, and walking towards them, were Gray and Lyon.

"Master Lyon!" Sherry shot up on her feet, a grin on her face.

"Me and Lyon found a job so we were wondering if you ladies wanted to come along." Gray asked.

"AAAHH!!! MASTER LYON IS ASKING ME OUT ON A DATE!!" Sherry squealed, and love hearts formed in her eyes.

"Gray said _job_ Sherry. Not _date_." Lyon said bluntly.

"Oh..." Sherry had a melancholy aura around her now. And Erza grabbing her ear and dragging her over to an alley didn't make it better. "Can't you see I'm suffering from a case of heartbreak Erza???"

"I can see that Sherry." She replied. "But I have a plan."

"What?" Sherry sniffled.

"We will use Gray and Lyon as our test subjects."

"You mean... I get to go on a date with Master Lyon?!" Sherry's mood immediately turned around.

"Well... I was going to suggest you go with Gray, but if you insist."

"THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE ERZA!"


	4. Someone doesn't know their own strength

"Sherry, you're hugging my arm too tightly!!" Lyon was trying to squirm away from Sherry, but they were all failed attempts.

"Dating requires that we must link arms dear!" Sherry continued to cling onto his arm as tight as ever.

"But I think my arm's broken!"

"Wait what?"

"Sherry, his arm's actually broken!" Gray stated. Sherry let go slowly, and indeed Lyon's arm was broken. It was twisted and bent in ways that were previously unreachable for a human arm.

"Oh... I'm sorry Master Lyon, it appears I don't know my own strength." She apologized. "How about a kiss to make it feel better?"

"NO!"

"But maybe the power of my love could heal it-"

"Still. NO."

Meanwhile, Gray couldn't help but laugh.

"Too bad man. That's what you get when Sherry Blen-" He then got his mouth abruptly slammed.

By Erza.

"Unless you want one too Gray, silence yourself."

"Yes Erza!"

"Now come with us Gray. There is a ritual you must complete. If you succeed, you will be rewarded with a feast."

"I'm not Natsu. You realize that, righ-"

"DO AS I SAY!"

"Alrighty!" The group went to the arcade place Toby and Millianna went and went to the claw machine.

"You must retrieve..." She pointed at a red cat plushie. "...that item."

"Alrighty Erza, I've got this!" He got his hands on the controls and began to focus right on that plush.

But when he grabbed it, he didn't realize he'd grabbed the wrong one.

"This one Erza?"

"No, that one!" He pointed at the same red cat plushie.

"But this one's red!"

"But I specifically asked for that one."

"Alrighty, fine!"

But he always got the wrong plushie and eventually, he got seriously POed.

"Give me the right plushie, machine!" Then, he stripped. Right down.

"Oh dear god." Lyon covered his eyes, and Sherry's too. "No one needs to see Gray naked."

Erza didn't seem to mind though. Instead, she looked ABSOLUTELY FURIOUS.

"HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED!" She was yelling to be exact.

Gray completely ignored her and eventually ended up punching the machine in anger.

Which that made it shatter, and afterwards, plushies poured out all over poor Gray.

He was literally suffocated by them.

"Too. Many. Plushies." He coughed. Erza grabbed the one she wanted and was about to leave, when next thing they knew, all four of them got arrested.


End file.
